Journeying with Children through Grief
Nicky Hazley shares about a recent loss in the church family, and how as a church they were able to navigate that journey of grief with the great grandchildren.
Helping children navigate grief can feel overwhelming, but within a church community, we have a unique opportunity to surround them with love, faith, and hope. Kids process loss differently than adults, and they need a safe space to ask questions, express emotions, and find reassurance in God’s presence.
When we as a church experienced the sudden loss of one or our older members, we realised that for her 17 Great-grandchildren, most of whom had connection with us through Sunday morning worship or Messy Church, her death left many unanswered difficult questions and emotions that they were struggling to process.
Most of the children were in the under 5 age group, but over the past few years we have intentionally made much of our children’s program available for children from birth upwards and therefore we had good relationships with both the children and their parents.
One of the Great-grandchildren asked me a question as to how Great Granny got to Heaven. It went something like this
Child: “Nicky, how did Great Granny get to Heaven, did she go in a Space Ship?”
Me: “Well no. God knew that Great Granny’s heart was very sick, and He took her to Heaven where she’s not sick anymore”
Child: “Then Nicky, did God just say, ‘Come follow me’ and that’s what she did?”
Wow! Such profound words form a 5 yr old boy who remembered from our Summer Holiday Bible Club the words that he’d been taught – ‘Jesus said, Come follow me’.
It was in that moment that I realised the children had so many questions and that we as their church family had to be there to help them process their grief as well as helping the adults. From this conversation the idea of a Messy Church Sunday specifically for these great-grandchildren was born.
I researched books and resources to help the children express their feelings which even the youngest could engage with. We held the Messy Church at the usual time but on a different Sunday in the month, and it followed the program they were used to – games, story, singing, craft, food.
We started the afternoon by making a family tree and showing why each of the children were there – because they could all trace their family back to Great Granny. This was done by having their names around the room for them arriving, and each child had to find their name and bring it to the front. Each family had a specific colour, and Great Granny was written using every colour so they could see the link. This allowed the children to run around together, have fun finding their names and then the realisation that it was Great Granny who was their invisible thread that made them all connected to each other.
We read the story ‘I Can’t Believe They’re Gone’ by Karen Brough & Hiruni Kariyawasam, which tells of a mouse family who lost someone close to them, and although they all react in different ways, Wise Old Bear helps them understand why they are feeling as they are, and uses the repetitive line ‘Emotions aren’t good or bad, or right or wrong – they just are”
After singing a few songs we moved to our crafts. We used a memory tree craft to help them draw or write words in the falling autumn leaves which reminded them of Great Granny and a ‘One Minute More Star’ where they could write or draw (some with the help of parents) what they would tell, or show, or do with Great Granny if they had One Minute More to spend with her.
The family provided all types of snacks that would have been the treats the children got at Great Granny’s house which allowed for some amazing conversations especially between the older great grandchildren, sharing memories and laughter.
The parents and grandparents, who were all with the children said how amazed they were at the things the children shared with them whilst doing the crafts and how it gave the grandchildren a way to express their grief in a positive way.
Although at times during the preparation I wasn’t sure how it would all work, it was a fantastic afternoon which provided a safe space for the children to laugh and cry together, for parents to have difficult conversations with their children without embarrassment or fear that they wouldn’t have the right answers because we were all their together and helped each other out.
That special Messy Church Sunday reminded us of the power of community, faith, and open conversations in helping children process grief. It showed us that even the youngest among us have deep, thoughtful questions and that, as a church, we have a sacred role in walking alongside them in their sorrow. By creating a space where children felt safe to ask questions, express emotions, and share memories, we saw healing take place—not just for them but for the whole family.
Grief doesn’t follow a set timeline, and neither does healing. But through intentional support, faith-filled conversations, and a willingness to journey together, we can help children understand that they are not alone in their feelings. Most importantly, we can remind them that God's love is constant, even in the hardest moments.
If your church is looking for ways to support grieving children, I encourage you to step into the conversation, provide safe spaces, and trust that even the simplest moments—like a child's profound question—can open the door to healing.
- Nicky Hazley
Keep an eye out for training around grief in the 2025/2026 church year.
